Friday, April 20, 2012

It's the solar system, not gay marriage, that's the threat

I think Williams article puts this far more succinctly than any other I've read to date.
By William Kirk Chapel Hill Herald guest columnist Ask me for a definition of marriage and I’d have to shrug my shoulders. “What do I know?” I’d say, “I’ve been married for only 41 years.” Will my wife and I celebrate 42? I always assumed we’d make it together all the way to the river’s edge, but now I’m not so sure. You’ve read the bad news: Our marriage is in danger. The threat is same-sex marriage, and Amendment One is the defense. Those who favor Amendment One have never explained specifically how this legislation will help me across the treacherous gap between 41 and 42 and beyond, and I cannot for the life of me figure it out, so lacking is the argument put forth by its proponents. Their argument is always expressed in a military metaphor. “[M]arriage is under attack,” state recent letters in these pages; thus we “must not fail to protect marriage.” I tried to think of things that might have attacked my marriage, a marriage that began when Nixon was in the White House. We survived that presidency, and we survived all that followed: disco music, the cola wars, reality television, light beer. There may have been more serious problems, but we moved on, moved past 41 years, easing toward 42. A possible problem resulting from Amendment One not often discussed is what I’ll call “matrimonial creep,” parallel to mission creep in military actions. What if legalizing same-sex marriage next leads to a woman wanting to marry her horse; some guy, his F-150? What if a Wiccan wants to marry the moon; a poet, all eternity? Entertaining, I suppose, but not an “attack” on my marriage. The good news about marriages in America is that the majority of them survive. The bad news is that that majority is razor-thin: 51 percent. Now, if 49 percent of all marriages end in divorce, but only a handful of states have legalized same-sex marriages, then would it not be likely that the institution of marriage is under attack from something other than gay marriage? I think that’s worth considering, but then honest self-assessment is more difficult than blaming some other group. Past scapegoats for our country’s ills have been the Jews, African-Americans, women, interracial marriage, non-mainstream faiths and alcohol. Guess who’s on the hot seat today. Under attack? Me? In one sense, I suppose I am, but the enemy is one my wife and I are reluctant to recognize. The stairway to the second floor gets longer and steeper. I used to clean and wax the car in one day; now I look for coupons from the carwash. The O.D. changes my eyeglass prescription faster than I change my socks. I used to mow the yard — front, back, south side — in a little under four hours. Now I do the front one day and the back the next; I gave the side yard over to the ivy a couple of years ago and it looks pretty nice. As I understand it, the Earth circles the sun on a journey of unimaginable mileage, and when it returns to the same place each September, I’m another year older. I have tried to argue that the solar system is a remarkable accident, that I just live here and take no active part in its operation, and my age is therefore irrelevant to the mileage on our planet’s odometer. No dice. Each year my age increases one year. My conclusion: I’m under attack from my own solar system, not from same-sex marriage. Seats on the bus and at the movies became available to all who paid the fare or bought a ticket, and American society survived. College admissions and hotel rooms were opened up to all people, and the sun still rose. Women took federal positions as secretary of state and as speaker of the House, yet our country did not slide into the ocean. Should North Carolina take a chance on same-sex marriage? I think so. Anxiety about tomorrow yields to acceptance in days that follow. It has something to do with the solar system. Read more: The Herald-Sun - It s the solar system not gay marriage that s the threat

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