Colorado civil union vote pits lawmaker against gay son

Last week, businessman Dee Coram sat down with his father on the garden patio of the Coffee Trader, a hip hive of activity in the tiny town of Montrose, Colo.
The elder Coram was on break from the sate Legislature, where a bill to allow civil unions for same-sex couples teetered on the brink: It could languish in a GOP-run committee or come up for a full House vote, where it would most likely pass.
With his trademark pragmatism, Republican Rep. Don Coram opined that the full House should get its vote in order to ward off attacks from well-heeled gay-rights activists come November.
But on Monday - after a series of unforeseen political maneuvers - the decision came to rest in Don Coram's hands, thrusting him into the complicated crossroads of conservative politics and personal consideration for his gay son.
And it's Dee Coram, the lawmaker's only child, who is perhaps the person most disappointed in the outcome: His father's vote killed the bill.
"I was told by my grandfather, there's always a time to lead and there's always a time to follow," Dee Coram, 44, said Tuesday. "He was given a time to lead, and he didn't do it. He could have and should have been the deciding vote."
Don Coram refered to Dee during deliberations Monday, proclaiming pride in his gay son. The men say they have a healthy relationship.
Don Coram said Tuesday that he holds no ill-will for the gay community, but he couldn't thwart the will of his conservative district or Colorado
 voters who defined marriage as between heterosexual couples in 2006.
"I saw it as a violation of the Constitution, which I swore to uphold," Coram said. "For me to go against what is a significant majority because of my own family situation, I don't think that's what a good representative does."
Dee Coram was 22 and living in Las Vegas when he came out to his family - something he called "an ongoing process." The lawmaker and his wife, Dianna Coram, never turned their son away or stopped loving him, they said.
"I've been very tolerant my entire life of the gay and lesbian community," Don Coram said. "I'm very proud of my son. ... He's someone who, even if he weren't my son, I would want to know."
Dee Coram, a Democrat, has done much to make a father proud.
Thirteen years ago, he moved back to his hometown of Montrose and opened The Coffee Trader.
He joined the local economic development board, helped launch efforts to revitalize Main Street and was honored with the Governor's Award for Excellence for his efforts.
He calls claims that same-sex civil unions would hurt society "absolutely absurd."
"We're trying to build a strong community, a strong economy," Dee Coram said.
While he's been with his partner for years, Dee Coram said, he doesn't know whether he'd enter a civil union, though he believes they are the "last wave of civil rights issues in America."
The matter was not supposed to live or die by his father's hand.
But after Democratic Gov. John Hickenlooper called a special session to reconsider civil union legislation, Republican House Speaker Frank McNulty assigned it to the House State, Veterans and Military Affairs Committee, a so-called kill committee.
Don Coram is vice chairman and one member of the committee's five-Republican majority.
"(Monday) was the first and only time I ever called him and said, 'Can you do this?' " Dee Coram said of his father. "He said, 'I love you, but absolutely not.' "
Colorado voters rejected same-sex marriage with a 2006 constitutional amendment. If gay-rights advocates want that changed, they should take it directly to voters with a ballot initiative, the lawmaker said.
"Change the Constitution, and I'll fight just as hard to protect that," Don Coram said.
In the aftermath of Monday's vote, Dee Coram's phone was swamped with calls from friends and family asking how he was handling the news. Father and son had not spoken as of Tuesday afternoon.
Residents of Montrose, however, had been talking all day. Much of the buzz percolated through Dee Coram's coffee shop.
"I'm sure there's a segment of the population that's thrilled," he said. "I think there's also a large segment that is very disappointed on a personal level."