When on July 17 Paul Zilber went to visit his fiance at Saint Barnabas Behavioral Health Center, in
Toms River, New Jersey, his focus was of course on his boyfriend’s
well-being. What Paul says he experienced however, was unlawful anti-gay discrimination at the hands of the center’s nursing staff.
Paul’s partner was receiving treatment at Saint Barnabas for mental
health issues related to what had appeared to be a suicide attempt.
Paul, 20, who was visiting at the same time as his partner’s
grandparents, said that everything was fine on the day in question until
a conversation with one of the nursing staff turned sour.
“Everything went okay, until a nurse who knew I was [name redacted]‘s
boyfriend referred to me as his ‘friend.’ He corrected her and said
that I was his partner. She replied with, ‘Oh your partner in
crime?’ I said, ‘No, I’m his boyfriend, thank you.’ She then sighed and
said ‘Oh… .’ She rolled her eyes, and gave me a thumbs up and walked
away.”
Feeling this was inappropriate behavior from the nurse in question,
Paul reported the nurse to the relevant staff, whereby he was told that
it was “just a joke.” However, when Paul and his partner’s grandparents
were preparing to leave for the evening, Paul alleges things turned from
bad to worse.
After his partner’s grandparents both hugged and kissed his partner
goodbye, Paul went to do the same. He says he was then “cornered” by two
nurses who ran across the room to yell at him, “No contact, that is
inappropriate.”
Paul maintains that the affection he had shown his partner was
entirely appropriate for the setting. He therefore wanted to know why he
was being singled out in this way.
“I then asked the nurse why it was okay for everyone else to give
hugs and kisses but it was not okay for me?” Paul told Care2 he then
gave his partner another kiss goodbye because the first kiss had been
interrupted. “She then told another nurse to take me off his list of
allowed visitors.” Not knowing how long his partner would be
hospitalized for, this was obviously very distressing for Paul. ”I was
very upset, and every time I would call a nurse would say, ‘I’m sorry,
we have an order that we cannot speak to you, and that he cannot speak
to you.’”
Paul says he was told some days later that he would be allowed to
visit his partner, but the olive branch was conditional: ”I was then
told, ‘He can come back if he promises to be appropriate.’ At that
point, I walked out of the hospital,” he said.
Paul told me his partner’s grandparent, who witnessed the incident,
also found it distressing, reportedly challenging the nursing staff,
“Why are you harassing these two young men?”
Sadly, this was not the only incident of homophobia Paul says had
occurred during his partner’s stay at Saint Barnabas. Paul’s partner had
previously told him that when it became obvious they were in a gay
relationship together, staff had made him feel uneasy as they went about
their duties caring for him. Paul also claims that some of the nurses
started wearing their wedding bands on different fingers after seeing
his partner’s engagement ring. Paul also told Care2 that following his
complaint over the alleged harassing behavior, a nurse came up to him
and said, “I hope you’re happy, because my job is on the line.”
Paul’s partner, under a reported threat of legal action from his grandparents, was released the day after this incident.
“[He] felt like he had to get out, or he would lose his mind,” Paul
said. “He came into the hospital for mental help, and they only made it
worse for him. He felt as if he was being judged.”
Last year, the Obama administration issued new guidelines
on existing federal anti-discrimination rules, making it explicitly
clear that for hospitals and medical facilities running Medicare and
Medicaid, it is a violation of federal law to deny access to a same-sex
spouse or partner, and that such a denial of rights can cost the
hospital its federal funding.
Saint Barnabas, part of the Barnabas Behavioral Health Network, is a
JCAHO accredited freestanding 40-bed acute care psychiatric facility
that provides inpatient, partial hospitalization and intensive
outpatient programs for adults diagnosed with psychiatric and dual
disorders. Saint Barnabas participates in both the Medicare and Medicaid
programs and if it were proven that the treatment Paul and his partner
faced was solely bias-motivated, and that hospital staff did indeed move
to bar Paul for no other reason than a same-sex kiss, it would appear
that the center would be open to a legal challenge.
Paul, wanting to explore his options regarding fighting what he sees
as a clear case of discrimination, is now working with local equality
groups. “If this does not get resolved, we will have no choice but to
sue for discrimination and harassment. How are you supposed to get help
for personal issues when you are surrounded by people who do not accept
you for who you are?”
Paul also has a message for other families in the area, saying, “To all LGBT families, do not go to this behavioral center.”
A request for comment from Saint Barnabas has, at the time of publication, gone unanswered.
Paul, wanting to raise awareness of the alleged incident, started a
petition here at Care2. At the time of writing, that petition has over
8,000 signatures.
Take Action: Add your name to Paul’s Care2 petition and stand up for same-sex couples like Paul and his partner.
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